It was a cold winter night and I was on my way to a parent association meeting with my two kids, age 8 and 11, who although excited to leave home at night weren't so happy to be headed to their local public school. I was also growing weary of the routine and reevaluating why I had decided to be co-president. It was a thankless job that few embarked on and now I could see why. How many months had we been having the same meeting over and over again, lasting for two hours, with no resolution in sight.
My eldest, a defector from the school the year prior, too many cut and paste projects, did what I called our ceremonial dance. She took my arm and walked next to me while my youngest kept mentioning any uneven patch of cement that might pose a potential stumbling block. Looking at the scene, being a part of the scene, I felt like a deflated balloon. I told my eldest to go ahead with her sister. She held on for a second longer then started to let go. As she removed her fingers from my arm I knew what I was doing was the right thing, I couldn’t keep her back. I watched my eldest as she ran up to my youngest and together they went jumping over twigs, hitting leaves, crunching them as they went by. Most of my central vision was intact so I slowed my pace and made sure to turn my eyes in every direction possible before I took a step.
I walked like this for several blocks. Passing cracked cement, light poles, and what I have come to fear most, fire hydrants. For someone like me a fire hydrant is akin to a kid who sticks out his foot at the very last minute hoping to trip whoever might be walking by. Once, while walking with my husband, I tripped over a fire hydrant and fell. It was such an awkward moment, the fire hydrant had been to my left, big and fat, and painted a hideous red. How could I not have seen it? I filed it away in my brain under 'forget as soon as possible.' And that's what I did, at least until I was diagnosed. Then, memories like that came cascading down around me, often filling my brain so I forgot all the good and focused only on the bad. Tonight, I looked up at the moon hoping to be reminded of Harold, and all of his wonderful adventures chasing after the moon with his purple crayon.
But this was to be a very different night.
As I glanced up at the moon, I didn't recognize it. The moon looked like a sphere with an oval hole poked through one side. Around the edges of the hole where brown and when I looked through the hole I could still see the other side of the moon. The edges reminded me of a piece of paper that had been burnt by a match, various shades of brown and black, ready to fall apart the minute they were touched. I was at first startled then mortified.
I called to my kids who were rather far ahead of me. My eldest started back first with my youngest some distance behind her.
Does the moon look weird to you," I asked my kids, who at this point were looking at me oddly. I guess wondering what I was seeing that they had not.
They turned and looked up at the moon.
My youngest quickly said, “No.”
My eldest scanned it a little longer before gently replying, "No."
My eldest then asked, "What do you see mommy?"
Without thinking I replied, " The moon, it looks like someone burnt a hole through one side." It reminded me of a piece of paper that had been burnt through with a cigarette. But this was the moon not a piece of paper. I turned my head to view the moon from several different angles. I closed one eye, then the other. The moon, it still looked like it had been burnt. But now I also saw a faint resemblance to an eye. There were brown and red lines running through the moon. I had never seen anything like it.
“Do you see the lines?” I asked.
My eldest replied, “ I see the craters.”
“They don’t look like craters, they look something like veins or arteries, except they are brown like that have been lightly scorched by fire.” I said
Realizing I was close to a branch that might have been playing odd tricks with my eyes I walked until I had a clear view of the sky, my kids following behind me, then I looked up. It looked the same, the lovely luminous moon, shining in all its glory, was burnt, with veins bulging outward, but only through my eyes.
No comments:
Post a Comment